i've never blog about this before. but just before the O's result was announced, the VS principal (i forgot his name omg) talked to us about how our results were over expectations. And how we broke the record thing for having the lowest msg of like 9 point something (comfirmation needed. my brain is spoil). the exact average msg didnt matter but wads of my concern is that it was lower than my L1R5.
seriously, for the majority of my 4 years in victoria school, i have never expected myself to be those classified as the "under averages". i've never made it for any ESPs or NSPs, i hardly hit remedials, my prelims score was satisfactory. however, as the harsh reality sets in, i cant help but think about how, all along, i was a black sheep. i've been the one pulling the school's average down.
i came in as one of the last students with a psle score of 241. and i wonder if after seeing my results, the principal will ever regret that decision of singing the acceptance form of my appeal. i failed to perform. i was a defective product that remained unfixed.
it was kind of the same for the common tests. i went into the exam hall with a better-than-thou attitude. and i left the place a loser. seriously, scoring the bottom 2.3% for chinese? rank points of 21 while others are scoring 37,42,70?
reality sucks. its only a matter of time your dream broke, your bubble burst, your fantasy explodes.
this only reminds me of that moment at VS, went i counted and re-counted 12 on my form. cannot believe it. CANNOT believe it.
actually, i'm kinda glad for this common test. scoring badly indeed broke my heart. but at the same time, the impact left a blow on me. my day-dream vapourised. thank God it was before it filled my head with that superior attitude i had for my Os. and thank God it was before any major consequences could occur.
leebeeyan said during todays assembly that only 25% of the jc cohort enters local universities. and thats depressing. and if you ever try to comfort yourself by thinking that the other 75% will be filled with students from the lousier jcs, SRJC, YJC and others. STOP! and please wake up. before the students from the "lousier" jcs decide to sneak up and kick you ass during the A levels. there will not be any more self comfort there.
i asked Fongwai about wad he would do if he cant make the local U.
"find a noose and a chair."
i know hes joking but seriously, i wouldn't know what to do then. i dont wanna further burden my parents by overseas study. so if i screw my A levels, and then what??
i have no answer to that.
i came into SAJC as one of the last few cut offs. and i shall remain as one of the last few cut offs went i enter the exam hall. i shall enter it as the worst scorer. and i shall mug. mug to catch up with the rest of the better scoring cohort.
thanks you CT1s for the reality check =)